Tuesday, October 23, 2012

"What's Next?"

It's been almost a year since I graduated college. I remember handing in my history tutorial, getting in my car, and almost making it off campus before I started crying. I didn't understand what I was feeling, but throughout the weeks that followed those same tears kept surfacing. It finally clicked one day that I was trying to come to terms with uncertainty.

Family and friends gathered for the holidays and asked me a dozen times (plus a dozen times more) what my plans were now. I had no idea how to answer. Obviously I wanted to find a job. Obviously I wanted to be successful, but our job market favors experience over ambition and I found myself fighting a losing, uphill battle.

Failure is inevitable every now and then, but so too is success. We set goals for ourselves and measure our success in life on whether or not we achieve them. What if my life goal wasn't a person, place or thing? What if it was a state of being? It was a few months later when I was asked again where I was going and what was next. I didn't cry. I didn't shrug my shoulders and jokingly reply "gainful employment?". I answered with one word and left it at that.

"Happiness."


Truth be told, I've never been sure where I would end up. I'm still not. When people ask me where I see myself in one/five/ten years I still can't even fathom the specifics of the answer they're looking for. All I know is that I want to be happy.


Then again....

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